Couples and Relationship Therapy
Most folks who find their way into couples therapy are perfectly bright, reasonable people who get stuck in a terrible loop which they cannot find their way out of. When there is that level of stuckness, there is something deeper (likely historical) at play. My role as a couples therapist is to take seriously the content of what couples struggle with, such as what their deeper conflicts are all about. However, even more importantly, there needs to be an identification of the dynamics that are playing out in the relationship. Oftentimes these dynamics hold the key to unlocking what is making a couple so stuck.
Humans move towards what is familiar and if one’s earliest experiences contain instability or insecure attachment, there is a risk of this playing out again and again in adult relationships. Couples therapy should seek to lay out a blueprint of what each individual is bringing into the relationship and what they are co-creating together in order for everyone to take accountability for and work on their own stuff. Additionally, there should be an intimacy that is created in partners, even in high conflict situations, wherein each person opens up about their individual experiences. It can be hard to be empathic and understanding when someone is hurt, and couples therapy provides an opportunity for partners to understand in great detail the other person’s point of view, which is an essential ingredient in growing constructively together.