Defining “Trauma”, Part 1: Let’s Get On the Same Page About What We are Talking About

People are increasingly using the word “trauma” to describe impactful and harmful events in their lives. Similarly to the phenomenon that I talked about in my “Stop Diagnosing Your Ex!” piece, our culture is becoming increasingly comfortable talking about mental health, which by and large is a good thing and a move that greatly reduces shame and stigma. 

Being More Out About Trauma

The word “trauma” is powerful. When someone uses the word, there is some shorthand involved. It has a weighty connotation and communicates something important to others about what has been endured. It puts the pain involved in a different category than a more ordinary or day to day pain that came and went. 

In addition to an increase in people being more out about their trauma, there is an increased capacity and openness in recognizing that events that are not “black-and-white” traumas, such as abuse or an assault, can still have a traumatic impact. Our culture is becoming increasingly, “trauma-informed”, and allowing more room for nuance and complexity in understanding a person’s experience. 

Preserving the Weight of the Word “Trauma”

It is imperative that we pause and define the word “trauma” and all that it encapsulates in order to be on the same page about what is being communicated. Even as our culture increases its capacity to understand the complexity of trauma in a broader sense, there is still a need to be precise in our definition. In this pivotal moment, I don’t want the pendulum to swing too far to a place where we are overidentifying things as traumatic to the extent that this word begins to lose its meaning. 

Additionally, as more and more people are coming out to openly talk about their trauma, let’s also use this opportunity to make clear how healing takes place, including what is the role of the person who suffered the trauma and the role of others around them.

Okay, so what is Trauma?

We can define a “trauma” as a time where someone has been sexually, physically, emotionally or existentially threatened. Some concrete examples include but are not limited to: sexual abuse/rape, physical abuse, neglect, food scarcity, living in a community where there is violence or the threat of violence (war, high crime area) and emotional abuse. 

There are also some very important categories of traumatic experiences that are more nuanced. These are situations that may not seem obviously traumatic but were experienced as a trauma to the individual because of a greater context. For example, as I talk about in regards to Systems Therapy, when we are in an environment that is hostile to an essential part of ourselves (such as growing up queer in a homophobic town), it can have a net traumatic affect and feel very threatening to one’s sense of self (not to mention, in this example, a potential threat of violence and abuse for the person who is “out”).

How Is Trauma Different than Other Painful Experiences?

The difference between trauma and other incidents is that with trauma, there is a significantly larger and more long-lasting effect. During a traumatic event, part of us feels threatened, which is another way to say that we either are or feel we are in danger. Being in danger cues our fight or flight response and causes us to suspend feelings in order to protect ourselves. This is why many people describe feeling in a state of shock after a traumatic incident. It is because they have unconsciously suspended their emotional reactions in order to survive and protect themselves during the incident. It is, in a literal sense, not safe to feel. Once the shock wears off, the person will have a lot of feelings to deal with. 

This is also why prolonged trauma, such as growing up in an abusive or unstable environment, can be so damaging. People in these situations need to stuff down and compartmentalize a ton of difficult feelings in order to endure their environment. These feelings do not just dissipate and will need to be felt and dealt with eventually. 

Everyone will experience multiple traumas in their lifetime but that does not mean they are traumatized. Ideally, the person has the support and the external and internal resources to work through and move through whatever feelings they need to. 

Complex Trauma

In instances of repeated and prolonged trauma, also known as “complex trauma”, the person needs to create very strong defenses in order to endure whatever situation they are in. Especially for young children, having to suspend feelings and create such strong defenses such as dissociation and compartmentalization becomes an ingrained part of how they move about the world, which likely will limit and impact them as they grow older. A child who experiences complex trauma gets the message that the world is not safe, secure or predictable and in particular other people are not safe. 

That last part is central to the framework of Relational Therapy and can begin to define how therapy helps. When someone has experienced relational trauma, there is relational repair that is needed that can take place in the therapeutic relationship. What the patient feels in other relationships will inevitably come out in the therapy, which offers a key opportunity to work through and address it. 

The Impact of Our Individual Experiences and Trauma

The description of “complex trauma” sets the stage in understanding how impactful early childhood experiences are on what happens to us later in life. In my next piece, I will expand upon how others, both in our present day and in our past, can impact and mitigate (or accelerate) the impact of trauma.